Of course now the problem is I want to hold his hand all the time and never let go.

I want to process this with him on Tuesday. I remember when I asked him why he couldn't hug me, he said among other reasons, one of the most important was that there was no therapeutic value in it because it didn't help him to understand me any better. I want to know why he chose to hold my hand. Why that moment, what reason, etc. Did he feel physical touch would be beneficial at that moment? Did he want me to understand that although I conveyed feelings of love and sexuality to him that he was not afraid of me? All of the above? I wonder what he was feeling at the moment.

Right now I am making a recording for him. I have made two mix CDs for him of different songs that mean a lot to me. When he gives me music, it is normally classical; occasionally jazz. My husband records music as a hobby so we have lots of equpment in our basement-- so right now I'm making a recording of myself playing a bunch of flute pieces and duets (layering one part over another with the recording equipment). I have played the flute for almost 20 years, yet since I stopped playing in orchestras and stuff, I have not shared my music with anyone. I would like to share it with T.