Hello inyourhonor: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to Psych Central. I don't think there is much of anything specific I can offer with regard to what you are dealing with. As has already been suggested, I think the thing to do may be to work through all of this with the help of a skilled mental health therapist or psychologist. You have a lot going on here & it's going to take time & work to sort through all of it. Hopefully coming here of PC can be of help as well. I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

P.S. Here's a link to an article, from Psych Central's archives, I just came across that perhaps may be of interest:

3 Stress-Busting Tips to Free Your Mind