Quote:
Originally Posted by golden_eve
Respectfully, I strongly disagree with you on that. She is JUST as responsible as he is for the affair and for potentially devastating and ruining his wife's life.
BOTH are consenting adults committing adultery. Adultery is not a favorable thing in most societies.
I am not attacking you whatsoever, but you are letting the OP completely off the hook for having any responsibility in the matter by saying this. It takes two to tango, and both people are equally responsible.
I do agree that it is a very heated issue that can be extremely triggering for many people. It may be too close to home to some people who have gone through something related or similar.
But as I said, adultery is not viewed favorably in most societies, so many people will have very strong reactions to this.
I had my own reaction, but for a different reason, and out of frustration. I see the OP not progressing and instead as going backwards after a whole year of this being an issue.
It deeply saddens me, for the sake of the OP, who cannot seem to shake herself of believing this affair was true love. It wasn't and isn't true love. He is using her to escape, and has probably had sex with many others while he was away from her. He was doing so before they ended things the last time, which he is why she ended things. She thought he was seeing other women behind her back and found him online doing so, yet he is also married and committed to another woman as it is. He is a philandering adulterer who is using multiple women. But she is also committing adultery with him, so I like I said, she is just as guilty as he is.
And I do not say this in order to shame her. It's the truth of the matter, so I am being matter of fact. It's an affair and it's adultery. There's no way around that.
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What is our purpose here on PC? My understanding is that it is a forum to provide support to folks dealing with mental health issues. I do not perceive the role of PC members as to moralize or determine who is "guilty" and who is innocent. You appear to be very triggered by this thread. Perhaps it would be helpful to take a step back and relax a while.
You say you are frustrated that DanceEngine hasn't changed or "fixed" her life. Why are you frustrated by that? It is not the goal of PC members to change each other. She is an adult and we must respect her boundaries. We can provide support and non-judgmental advice but shaming (even if prefaced with "this might be rude but" etc) does not serve the goal of the PC forum. We aren't here to change people or play judge and jury of their life choices. Have you ever made mistakes? Have you always done everything perfectly right? I know I haven't.
My post was not to "let someone off the hook" as you put it nor was it to moralize and judge and shame. It was to provide healthy tips to someone who is struggling. An experienced therapist could help DanceEngine work through the complex feelings related to the affair. And I feel quite certain that an effective therapist would not deem it appropriate to denigrate her, her life, or her choices.
I believe that Twitter and other such forums are where people openly and bluntly condemn or praise others. I do not think that is the goal of PC threads. With respect, I encourage you to ask yourself why you feel the need to judge this person rather than kindly and calmly support? Your "strong reaction" is not about DanceEngine or about me. It is about something that was triggered within you.