Quote:
Originally Posted by HopefullyLost1211
What is our purpose here on PC? My understanding is that it is a forum to provide support to folks dealing with mental health issues. I do not perceive the role of PC members as to moralize or determine who is "guilty" and who is innocent. You appear to be very triggered by this thread. Perhaps it would be helpful to take a step back and relax a while.
You say you are frustrated that DanceEngine hasn't changed or "fixed" her life. Why are you frustrated by that? It is not the goal of PC members to change each other. She is an adult and we must respect her boundaries. We can provide support and non-judgmental advice but shaming (even if prefaced with "this might be rude but" etc) does not serve the goal of the PC forum. We aren't here to change people or play judge and jury of their life choices. Have you ever made mistakes? Have you always done everything perfectly right? I know I haven't.
My post was not to "let someone off the hook" as you put it nor was it to moralize and judge and shame. It was to provide healthy tips to someone who is struggling. An experienced therapist could help DanceEngine work through the complex feelings related to the affair. And I feel quite certain that an effective therapist would not deem it appropriate to denigrate her, her life, or her choices.
I believe that Twitter and other such forums are where people openly and bluntly condemn or praise others. I do not think that is the goal of PC threads. With respect, I encourage you to ask yourself why you feel the need to judge this person rather than kindly and calmly support? Your "strong reaction" is not about DanceEngine or about me. It is about something that was triggered within you.
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Respectfully you are quite wrong and I don't need any PC lectures, thank you. I have been a member of PC since 2015, a lot longer than you, and I am fully aware of the goals and purpose of PC. I have also been fully supportive of the OP for the entire last year and have offered umpteen suggestions and help for improving her life and for getting herself out of this situation.
Nor am I demoralizing, denigrating, judging or shaming the OP. I made that crystal clear that it wasn't my intention, so you misunderstood and lost the entire point of my post.
I stated that I was frustrated for the OP's sake. I also stated that I was saddened by the news that she has gotten back together with this married man. How was that not clear?
This issue has been ongoing for a year -- have you been around that long through this with the OP? Have you offered your help and advice for the last year to her? Probably not since you just joined in December. And I don't say that in a disrespectful way, it is only just to say that you haven't been around through this ordeal. Many of us have been here, supporting her through this situation. It is frustrating to me personally because I want to see her better her life, thriving and happy. More than anything, I feel sad that the OP cannot get herself out of a bad situation.
We have all suggested therapy, improving her life, working on herself and numerous other suggestions to help her, but she is very much stuck in a rut and keeps going to men to solve her problems, and in particular, this married man. I have told the OP in the past that it's understandable to turn to men when you're severely lonely and depressed, but it's not the solution. We have all been trying to help her resolve this for a long time now. With many posts I've made to the OP in the past, I've stated "I say this with compassion"... I have been very compassionate towards her through this.
And when I talk about the issue, I am just being very matter of fact, as I also made perfectly clear. How is that a judgement? It's adultery and it's wrong because it could seriously harm another person. So how is that being judgmental? It's strictly factual. The OP knows this. And yes, you were excusing her from any responsibility.
I have been very supportive of many many people here for the last many years, so please don't insult me with lectures and by insinuating I belong on another forum. Thank you.