Sadly, it feels normal to me. Was basically what always happened in life since I was very young, I became used to it.... to the point where if something DOES work out for me, it's very shocking and I mentally convince myself, it can't be legit.

It took me months and months to stop questioning everything with T because he responded to my needs often and I could not understand why, so I'd drive myself crazy questioning it. I was convinced it was a joke.

I'm sorry it didn't work out for you but you might be stronger than you realize and you will be ok to keep going with 1x a week.