Still depressed. Took RS to meet my brother and sister in law last night. They really liked him. But it was too much noise for me. I stuck it out until 10pm and then I used to excuse that I had to take my son home so I could get out of there. I usually love hanging out with them but I’m usually drinking and I’ve lost my taste for alcohol. I had half a glass of wine, that’s it. And I didn’t enjoy it. I just don’t like the taste of most alcohols anymore. My brother kept mailing me try IPAs and they were nasty. He wasn’t being mean about it though. Just trying to share his “delicious” beer with me.

I’m just not happy. Even with RS there, usually I never want him to leave but I just wanted to be alone. But I had him spend the night so I wouldn’t be alone feeling sorry for myself. It was nice to sleep next to someone again and wake up to kisses. We had a nice breakfast at the diner. I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to stomach anything but I was able to eat French toast and some bacon. I think I did have a virus on Wednesday and Thursday because the extreme nausea is gone. Now I’m just left with the lack of appetite. That’s normal for me In depression. At least it will help me lose weight. I need to lose 13 pounds.

The house is a mess but I can’t motivate myself to clean it. I need to do laundry too but again, motivations. I’m just sitting on the couch like a lump. I’m making my son make his own hardboiled eggs so I don’t have to get up and make him dinner. But it’s also good. He is eight years old, he can learn to cook now. I did do something nice for myself though. I had some extra money from Christmas so I got professional highlights done. They look good.

Im counting myself lucky that the depression is still mild-moderate. We will see how it goes. I need to find a new pdoc ASAP. I might pay my current one out of pocket until I can get in with a new one.

One good thing is my brother and his wife said they would take Chris overnight one night so me and RS can have a night out. I’m gonna plan a night in the mountains for us. Go to a nice little bed and breakfast and have some alone time. Not sure when but it’ll be nice. B&Bs up there are only like $150 a night and the mountains are only 2 hours away. I just have to kick this depression first.

Sigh. ****ing winter. Gets me every year.