Clarification: I wanted to clarify something in my reply but the "edit" button is no longer there. I think it is limited maybe as to how long we can edit.

I wanted to clarify that all humans deserve connection and to feel accepted by their group...whoever that may be...family, friends, community. That is particularly important with our parents. I was not trying to suggest that wanting acceptance is abnormal at all. I just find, for me anyway, that the more energy I put into self-acceptance and self-appreciation, the better equipped I am to connect with others and/or deal with disappointments or hurts from people around me.

I also want to say that connecting with someone who is dependent on alcohol can be uniquely challenging. My brother is dependent on alcohol and he frequently says hurtful things to me. He is deeply depressed and tries to self-medicate with ETOH. I try to help him but the more I try the more angry he becomes so I am taking a step back to give us both time and space.

Part of the problem with alcoholism is that over time it can lead to frontal lobe damage. That can lead to impulsivity such as impulsive behaviors, physical or verbal aggression, zero filter etc. I don't know if that sounds at all like some of the difficulty you've experienced with your father. I am so sorry for your pain. I think there might be a thread on PC to support adult children of alcoholics. Perhaps that could bring you some solace, Shannon?
And I am sorry if my original, shorter reply was less than helpful. Hope the clarification helps. Be well