yesterday I struggled a lot with abandonment issues (it was due to that girl leaving recently). they were really bad and I ended up sitting their talking to myself about my funeral (which may or may not happen, I'm seriously thinking about not having one). I really don't think anyone would even turn up.

no sleep yesterday again- not even any traces of rest or tiredness

today I'd be quite happy to do "**** all". sit on a chair, look at the wall and think about my existance and what a mess it is

probably not going to get me anywhere though.. need to at least try to be productive.