I love both my parents dearly, and they have both been very positive influences in my life.This year they have been together ~30 years and are both in their late 50's. They are not married but have been in a domestic partnership for about 28 years since my sister was born.

Today my Mum told me that she doesn't think she loves my Dad anymore 'I think I'm beginning to hate him' were her exact words. She also said that she doesn't think he ever cared for her and that he's never told her he loves her.

This was not exactly easy for me to hear but I had broached the subject because Dad mentioned to me that she was talking about leaving- something she has spoke about in the past. My Dad is not an emotional or particularly vocal man so I knew if he were mentioning it then he was concerned.

I didn't really know what to do or say and I don't want to make things worse between them. It's a weird thing to have your parents turn to you for support. I'm 23 but I still don't like the idea of role reversal. Listening to Mum's side I can understand exactly why she thinks and feels the things she does. And I have observed some of the stuff she was mentioning myself.

Dad didn't really say anything besides mentioning it in passing but I don't think he particularly wants her to leave. The issue is that I'm not sure if this stems from him actually caring about her or because it will upset his life and finances too much if she does.

My dad is not a cruel man or a heartless man and he's been a great father, but he does make things hard for my Mum sometimes, but my Mum is hard work sometimes and I can see why Dad gets frustrated with her. Granted he does not express this well. Dad does not like spending money, and because Mum spent much of her life caring for me and my sisters she has little money for herself which I found out today was a sore point, this also makes the decision to leave a difficult one for her. I've also noticed that whenever they talk to each other they both use accusatory and nasty tones. And their communication styles are very different. Mum will yell and scream if something is wrong which makes Dad clam up and leave the area. Completely missing the message that she's angry because he doesn't talk to her or give her any attention. Even today when I asked her about it she got angry because he'd spoken to me and not her about it, but in his defense my angry mother is not someone you want to talk to.

I don't know what to say to my Dad to make him understand and also not get defensive about my critique. I also know that Mum will get defensive herself and not make it easy for him to talk to her if by some miracle I manage to get the message through to him. They definitely need to communicate more in an open and un-judgemental manner if anything is going to get better. I find it hard though because I've inherited their lack of communication skills myself and emotional topics make me very uncomfortable. So when they talk to me about things I also find it easier to clam up and avoid the topic which is the last thing either of them need.

I also don't know if it's worth getting involved at all because if Mum's right and Dad has never loved her then I think that it'd be almost a good thing for them to split (even though this idea makes me very upset). Also if Mum does really hate him then it may already be too far gone, I don't think I can rectify 30 years of feeling uncared for.

Anyway any advice, thoughts, theories, comments?

tldr: how to make my parents communicate openly and non-judgmentally with each other about a loss of feeling for each other? Also how to ask my Dad if he ever actually loved my Mum without him getting defensive and me getting uncomfortable?