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CedarS said:
I wanted to let you know that I read your post and that I feel for you.

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My mother blames, judges, tells me that she never wanted children, and that I've ruined her life.

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I grew up with this from my own mother also.

In my own case, I had to get away, so I initially rented rooms in shared houses. I didn't always have great roommates but anything was better than living with very dysfunctional family. Any chance you can do the same?

I understand that you want to save funds first, but do you have a plan in case your current housing suddenly disappears? What if your mom fully kicks you out? Or what if things get absolutely intolerable? What if the house burns down? I'm not trying to be rude or overly challenging here, just want to suggest that you keep those things in mind.

Otherwise, can you spend more time away from the house and change your schedule so you tend not to interact with your mom and her husband?

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Thanks. Like I said, I accept that my mother is what she is. In fact, about 15 years ago was when I started accepting that I was the wiser and more dominant personality, not only in our relationship (such as it is), but in the home. She and her husband mimic the exact same behavior as her mother and father had; i.e., the woman rules from the home, the husband is a tool and a slave with no voice or opinions; the woman turns the husband into a dependent child, to the point that she makes all his decisions, including what he eats, what he wears, what people he talks to, etc. Neither have any friends (like my mother's parents), and both are isolationist and escapist. They have one relationship and one reality: each other, and they rely upon each other to reinforce the distorted views of reality they have. It's exactly the same dysfunction my mother's parents had. When I've tried to point that out, I've been shouted down and been warned to never make such a comparison again, usually followed up with threats.

As I think mentioned in my post, I have nowhere to go. My own relationship skills are poor, and I don't believe I'm capable of sharing space with anybody. I've found that I can deal with other people only in very limited, controlled situations. Sharing something as private as my living space with somebody wouldn't work. My work requires me to be in my home office. It's computer-based, and it's high resolution graphic work, so it's not the sort of thing that can be done remotely from a laptop. So, I need to be in my space, with all my equipment, and access to phone, internet, etc.

The crazy thing is is that what I'm doing now for money isn't even what I *really* want to do. Since I was teenager, all I really wanted to be was a rock star. I've been in and out of bands since I was 16. Eventually, I'd like to gain a level of success where I can tour several months out of the year and be away not only from the home, but the United States. I don't really care for the US and would like to visit countries like Sweden and Norway and possibly relocate there at some point, resources permitting. I'm currently in the process of producing a rock opera with a partner and 12-person team. Studio sessions get me out of the house 2-3 times per week, but that's not enough for my mother, who rarely leaves the house anymore. Like her mother before her, she has opted to give up driving in lieu of making her husband drive her anywhere she needs to go. Since her husband works 6 nights a week and is chronically exhausted and occasionally ill due to work relate stress, this has made her even crazier and edgier than usual.

I do my best to avoid her as much as possible. I stay in my home office all day. I even have a bed in there, so that I never need to leave the room, except to shower and prepare food. When not working or sleeping, I do my best to stay out of the house as much as possible.

Didn't mean to rant like that. All I want is a suggestion as to how to manipulate my mother into leaving me alone. Everybody has their triggers. So, I'm assuming there must be some way to trigger her into backing off or possibly even being pleasant. Maybe a psychologist has some advice in that area? I don't know. I just want peace until I can get the hell out.