I'm so sorry you're struggling, lilouise I think they need to decide for themselves what it's right to do at this point. They're adults, they can make their own decisions. I don't feel like it's a good thing to turn up to you for support. It's clearly putting too much pressure on you. I'd suggest to back up from this situation and tell them that you don't feel like you should be involved in this. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this