I wanted to comment on this topic because it's possible that it this (and other similar comments) were somewhat commenting my own first post. This is not a response to this particular post of tomatenoir but a general comment - I only cited the sentence so that I wouldn't have to write it out myself.

It is possible that some people misunderstood what I meant about teaching. Of course it is not teaching in the traditional sense that the "teacher" creates the environment and exercises so that the student could learn, which in therapy would mean that the therapist would purposely create the situation where the patient does not get what he wants and then the T gives him a lesson. Absolutely not!

Rather, assuming that these wishes come from a very young place then it is inevitable that the T just cannot satisfy them all. It is plain impossible. Thus the "teaching environment" occurs naturally and inevitably in the therapy setting. A T who's afraid of that and tries to escape it by attempting to fulfil all the needs is doomed to fail. Another option for the patient is to declare all therapy as pointless and harmful and with some T's this judgement is definitely accurate - but not necessarily with every T.

Thus the "teaching" happens via trying to make sense of things by trying to attach words to them that would meaningfully describe them. The things I am talking about are not artificially created by the T, they occur just naturally (similarly as they probably occurred naturally in the early childhood but in order to cope the person was forced to develop creative defences to get rid of them because there was no one who would respond appropriately).

A good T can give some of it what was missing during the early childhood. Some needs can get met. But not all and thus in order to get some of them satisfied the lack of others must be tolerated. There is no other way. Because if the person gives up on wanting and wishing anything because it is too painful to be or feel rejected then nothing can be met, the person cannot even accept those things that the T (or anyone else) can actually give.