I know I posted this here already but it's always felt normal to me. When I was first in therapy.... I remember outright asking for weird things... he always said yes. No problem. I never asked to email, about 6 weeks in, I just did... and my first sentence was "I'm sorry to bother you by emailing..." and the email went on about me feeling like I was asking for too much and it was nice of him to say yes but he didn't have to do that.

It was so difficult for me to accept that he was well aware that he didn't have to, but he was choosing to. It helped me greatly with trusting him.

Then, along the way, he started to say no.... and it really confused me... I started to feel like I'd upset him or did something wrong. So I'd be back to apologizing for everything. This all lead into our big rupture with the boundary changes.

Anyway, he was still choosing to say yes to some things and when he said no, I'd question it... weird now the yes was suddenly the normal answer to me.... and he explained why every time. Some times the answers sucked but sometimes they made sense. Somehow, I felt our relationship was stronger because of this, I was insanely comfortable with him. I trusted him more than anyone in my life.

When we ended, we were at a good place, in the sense that I wasn't questioning anything. I was just asking and if he said no, I'd joke about it... and move on. I even demanded things form him in a joking way like "Will you seriously sit down, you are driving me nuts" LOL... (he liked to pace around a bit in the start sometimes) Anyway, long story but I think it was helpful for me to have what I wasn't used to... in this case, the yes..... and try to learn and accept that people can do things because they chose to, not because they have to.

When I got very used to that and the no started to feel weird with him..... it was good to have that, because I was reminded, like I knew before, life isn't always getting what you want. It's about making the best you can with what you have. No one is perfect, no one can give you everything, they also have needs. I really was glad he did this with me... it helped me have one of the strongest and most trusting relationships in my life, even though it was short lived.

Ending things was painful but I don't hate him, I still deeply love him and care about him and I think it's hugely because of how the relationship was for me. This yes/no thing was a big part of it. So somewhere along the way, even if it doesn't feel like it, there is lessons and value in this. Hang in there