Even when I have called for help voluntarily I have always been involuntarily hospitalized. The last time was a month in a forensic psychiatry ward. I am hoping to avoid another encounter with the law or with being hospitalized. I had to complete a program for mentally ill offenders and then the charges were dropped, but still I spent a month in a high security ward for people under arrest. I thought I was on some kind of mission. My manic delusions unfortunately are paranoid and dysphoric and I get very agitated. Unfortunately I also lose insight at a certain point and then you really have to wonder what there is to bound my behavior because I get filled with the idea of a delusional conspiracy.