My relationship with my daughter has always been strained and now it’s harder because my son-in-law is a bit hostile toward me. For years I have worked hard to be as nice as possible to my daughter. I try to be kind and encouraging and buy her nice gifts at Christmas and birthdays. I always feel uncomfortable around her and now it’s even worse because her husband is hostile toward me. For example, he will give me intense glares for what appears to be no reason. He won’t do it when my husband is around. He smirks at things I say. He will get silent and refuse to acknowledge me at times. He’s also very dirty. When he and my daughter come it’s unpleasant to clean up the bathroom they used. His lack of hygiene in the kitchen puts hubby and I completely off. My daughter used to be very neat and tidy but even she has become kind of messy now. He’s very controlling. My hubby fears this man has the potential to be abusive - maybe not physically but emotionally.

They’ve recently had a baby and while I want to spend time with the baby, I’m just fed up with the hostility and the general bad manners. Not only that, they clearly have high expectations of me.... it costs me a lot of money in food and gifts any time I see them. I don’t want to alienate them... especially since the relationship with my daughter has been partially estranged as it is. But I really don’t enjoy being around them and I don’t even enjoy seeing the baby on FaceTime as I have to witness son-in-law glaring at me and making verbal corrections when he disagrees with things I say.

My plan has been to just suck it up and deal with it. I’m resenting the amount of money I end up spending on them though and hubby thinks we should cut that back. They don’t ever say thank you or show any appreciation. It always feels like they don’t think I did enough for them. I feel a strong pressure to cater to them, otherwise I won’t be able to bond with the baby. I’m tired of being a doormat. How do you bond with your grandchild without being a complete doormat to their parents?