Yeah I see a psychiatrist and Im going to start seeing a new therapist.

But. I dont know. I dont entirely trust them I guess. I want to. But I also wonder if maybe just- everyones wrong and overreacting and theres nothing wrong with me and i just need to figure out... just how to live around my problems. That maybe theres just something everyone else does that I dont do and if I could just figure out what that thing was... then I could “fix” myself.

I dont fully believe Im sick. But everyone else keeps acting like Im REALLY sick. And I just dont know.

Lately people havent been acting like that since I started taking more medication. Ive been able to hide my symptoms better (Im still pretty good at that in general even off medication- its why Ive avoided hospitals- I do what I can not to freak people out)

Maybe that points to being sick. I dont know. I hope to avoid hospitals forever. Right now- I think that will be easy. I dont feel... that bad. But in the future... I just dont know.

So its best to just go voluntary inpatient then?

I just dont like the idea of so many people WATCHING me. Im not super paranoid but I am kinda... private. And I feel like going to a hospital will mean losing most all freedoms and being treated like a child or somethting. I want my independence!