Yes, I also experience the thoughts/feelings that I'd rather die.
I am very happy to respond to your post! I don't feel so alone with my own feelings/struggles because of what you have shared. Your sharing has helped me, too.
There are many very kind, understanding, compassionate members here. The forum is a little slow today. I am sure you'll be hearing from other members soon.
I do hope participating here is helpful to you!

WC