Quote:
Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow
I was absolutely terrified of being hospitalized for many years. I knew it was likely to happen eventually and that my therapist would have preferred I was in the hospital a few times while my pdoc tried other things to keep me out.
I wound up going on an MAOI and needing to make the transition from my tricyclic IP (not always the case but for me it was needed). So I knew for a month or so that I would be going in and by the time it happened I was so miserable that I was a lot more willing than I ever thought I'd be. Since then I've been in a total of 5 times.
It's not so bad. Each time it has been a relief to be somewhere safe and to get med changes that I know will help. My hospital treats people very well and tries to keep it as interesting as possible. It is nothing like any fear I ever had before.
I hope you never have to experience it but chances are that if you do what you are thinking about it is unlikely to be true.
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Yeah. I am at the point that I am so worn down from how... malevolent my hallucinations have gotten... that Im about willing to grovel for help. To take just about anything to get them to stop.
They arent THAT bad usually- but Im really afraid of them getting worse. Theres one where voices come and beg me for help and I just feel so guilty for not being able to do anything. Other ones too but Im afraid to get too specific because Im afraid of getting doxxed.
But. Yeah. I probably shouldnt let myself get to this point again- and its even sadder because this point right now is like infinitely better than I have been the last few months. I was just too sick and stubborn to realize how bad I was. Now that Im on more medication I can see that... Im really not doing that well and its not ok.
I dont think i need hospitalization right now. For the most part im ok. But I am willing to listen and do... basically anything to keep it that way. To keep out of the hospital. And to stay in that place.