Hi Matbell. Hugs to you! I've been where you are in the past, but it did indeed pass. Have you ever felt how you feel now in the past, but later it passed? If so, or even if not, it is very very likely it will definitely pass. Even the worst of times almost always get better. And I'm talking very very horrible times. Just imagine people who have been in the scariest of situations, like POWs, or people in concentration camps, or people who've become very sick physically on the verge of death. So many of these people endured having to experience the pain and practice patience and tolerance like you wouldn't believe. But when the severe situations pass, there is relief. Or even if there are lasting ramifications (i.e. PTSD), they can heal.

Sometimes when I'm severely depressed and I'm in bed almost all day, I just close my eyes and try to "turn off" the pain. I've yelled "STOP!" to destructive painful thinking. Maybe it didn't stop right away or altogether, but it did stop for bits of time to give me a break. Mindfulness is a way to redirect your thoughts. Try try hard to think of things that gave you pleasure, or things you still love. Or just lie there and concentrate on the warmth of your blanket and the softness of your pillow. If you have a pet, try to get them to be with you. Pet them. Look into their sweet eyes. Pick a book to bring back to your bed. One that you adored in earlier days. Find the passages you liked best. Kiss the book, as strange as that sounds.

Right now the sun is shining where I am. I could go all day and not notice it, or I could push myself to notice it and start concentrating on it. The more light the better. I know the birds outside are happy today.

I have bad sessions with my therapist sometimes, too. Better ones happen eventually.