I also made in the past the mistake of thinking that if I wasn't having symptoms of psychosis (delusions and/or hallucinations) then I didn't need to be on antipsychotics. I paid a big price for this in terms of repeated forced hospitalizations and basically just blowing up what had been a life into bits and pieces that take a long, long time to reassemble.

Psychosis is not like diabetes. Some people go in and out of it. I had my armory of olanzapine to take if I started to have symptoms and have been in regular psychiatric care but I wasn't able to stay on top of the symptoms. They start to creep up in a way I start having paranoid thoughts and then am not able to make good decisions because of errors in my thinking.

So I relate to a lot of what you write blue in terms of regret.