Labrat, I know that Complex PTSD isn't yet codified in the DSM or ICD, but it certainly seems to me that the symptoms you experience fit the bill. You clearly carry a really crushing burden due to your childhood abuse that has infiltrated your life. I don't recall reading any details about the things that happened to you as a child, but the information I do have (your thought patterns, beliefs) is sufficient for me to have no doubt you were consistently traumatized. I know my opinion is of little weight against the overwhelming habit you've been conditioned into to minimize your abuse... but I felt compelled to say it anyway.

I'm also PM'ing you some stuff.