Mental,

I know exactly what you are saying. Twelve years ago my brother in law (hubby’s sister’s husband) was diagnosed with asbestosis which was unheard of at that time. He was a world class *** to everyone.

The first time I met the man my husband and I were engaged. We went to their home for Thanksgiving dinner. My Mother in law brought several cheesecakes from a famous local baker for dessert. After dinner everyone was too full to eat of course and hubby’s younger brother and sister were bored out of their mind. You see even though the only job the man had held down was 4 years in the navy 10 years prior, the man never worked a day in his life but OWNED everything in the house. The kids 14 and 12 were not permitted to touch anything, they had a pool table and various video games and a computer, but they were HIS and the kids couldn’t touch them.

My husband took them to a video store to rent some videos so they would have something to do, and as soon as they pulled out of the driveway he said “while the kids are gone, let’s eat some of that cheesecake.” The man wasn’t even going to share dessert with them!

He was an all around ***. When he was dx, it was my in laws that travelled with him to Boston to the only doctor that was treating this type of cancer at the time. He continued being an *** until a year later when the cancer had spread so far that there was no hope left and it was only a matter of months.

Once he realized he was dying, he became … I won’t say nice, but definitely easier to be around. I had a hard time forgetting the 10 odd years of insults. He did make an effort to reach out to a certain extent, but being niceish for 9 months did not erase the 10 years of ruined family gatherings and out right insults and rude behavior. I had begun to avoid all conversation with him around year 3 and was unable to forgive him. I remember one time when he made fun of my eldest child’s speech impediment and made him cry. This is an “adult” we’re talking about, I saw his as an evil, evil human being.

Just because your brother in law is dying doesn’t change the person he is. I fully understand that we’re supposed to be compassionate human beings, but some things are unforgivable in my opinion. I never felt sorry for him, only his two small children. His oldest was 6 when he died and his youngest was 3. I was sorry for their loss and sadness, although it is my belief that they were better off without him.