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Originally Posted by Gabyunbound
Thank you SO much, WC. Your empathy, as always, really shines through.
Well, I spoke to my brother on the phone yesterday and finally just said "no" with utter finality this time. Predictably, he lost it. He yelled and yelled and yelled at me. I told him, at some point, that he can't treat me that way and needs to calm down and I hung up. Then he kept calling, some 10 times, until I finally answered (I wasn't going to answer because I wasn't convinced he had calmed down so soon). He started out calmer and apologized for what I said about him guilting and bullying me into finally saying 'maybe' or being wishy washy in the past, always after I had already said no. And then he started berating me again.
So it didn't go well. At all. BUT, the role playing proved very helpful and I was able to say what I needed to say. What makes me so sad and worried now, is that this has affected our relationship: I'm afraid I won't be able to see him or my nephews. I'm afraid that I've lost my support system, which is paramount. I'm so scared...
At least I have support from others and that helps me keep strong. But I am very sad, very worried, scared...
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Oh dear, I am sorry it did not go well.
I have a sibling who has to have things her way. When I either express a different viewpoint and/or just say "no," she gets VERY angry and does ban family from her house when she is not pleased. She also refuses to talk to the person(s) she is angry with. It can take her years to get over it. Crossing her leads to banishment from her world, including my niece and nephew. It's sad that she feels she must respond in this manner. Luckily, I have other siblings and lots of nieces and nephews. It's tough, often impossible, to deal with people who conduct themselves in this way.
Your brother has not yet proven he'll banish you from his life/family. I'd take advantage of this, sending him a message, via a card or another method, telling him of how much I do appreciate/love him and his family and how I don't want differences in opinions to get in the way of our friendship... or something similar. Just a thought. In these situations, it's important our communications come from the heart, which can be difficult when we are emotionally heated and/or the other person is emotionally heated. We all, often, want to go into a self-protective mode and understandably so!
I hope he will not withdraw his love and his support.
I hope things get better with a little time. It's obviously important for you to continue on with your relationships within the family.
Thinking of you.
WC
WC