If in fact he is on the autistic spectrum many of their behaviors in fact do come across as abusive & even at times narcissistic. The difference is that the INTENT to harm is NOT there. I spent 54 years if my life living around those kinds of behaviors without understanding the cause.

I could NOT live with it but many personalities can tolerate those behaviors because they see & feel more than we observe on the surface.

No I couldn't tolerate living in a marriage like that but that is me & everyone has their own level 9f understanding of the REAL relationship they are actually in.

There are things in a marriage that can be abusive but worked through & it doesn't mean that it continues to exist. Only the person in the marriage is really qualified to understand what they are really dealing with aside from any denial.

I dealt with passive aggressive behaviors. Not because he was passive aggressive but he truly did not understand what he was told or how to do it but was too proud to admit or communicate he didn't understand what he was told & YES living in a marriage like that & NOT knowing why the behavior one usually does jump to bad conclusions. Would I ever marry another guy like him.....NO WAY.....but I do finally understand that what felt & seemed like emotional abuse all those years was his mental inability to connect or communicate like a neuro-typical person.

We know what we would do.....but that is not necessarily the right thing for the person actually involved in the relationship.