I started off the session by asking her if we could take a picture together. Actually I rambled for a bit fist, kind of telling her how I even came up with the thought. So because we do psychoanalysis she wanted to have a much more in-depth conversation about why I wanted the picture, what it meant to me. And then later in the conversation she wanted to know how a Yes or No answer would feel.

Funny, going into session I figured I had a 30% chance of her saying Yes, but the second after I asked I felt the air leave the room and knew her answer was No. Because she didn’t actually say No right away part of me felt like I had to come up with the ‘right’ answer to convince her to take the picture. That was hard. For my sake I knew I had to be honest and say exactly what I was thinking and feeling.

Even though she hadn’t actually said No yet I could feel myself getting angrier and angrier and I was starting to shutdown, which is what I usually do. I was aware of it and mostly kept myself from going down that path. I have to say I’m pretty proud of myself for staying in the conversation, that may be a first for me.

Even though I didn’t completely shutdown I didn’t take in everything thing that she said, but I think basically her reason for saying No was because it was too personal and there really is a valid reason to not cross that boundary. As she is going away for 2 weeks starting on Wednesday, we are meeting again today and I know we’ll continue this conversation and maybe I’ll get a better understanding of why she said No. And hopefully it will sit better with me.