Quote:
Originally Posted by amandalouise
mind you I havent read the whole thread but I have a thought about this...
many people who are training a special needs dog/ service animal do request that all other family members are hands off. this is so that the service animal bonds in a very special way with the person with a handicap first and foremost...
example I and my wife and children have our own service animals that we each trained. granted the children needed some help with this but the help we provided was very minimal so that the dog that our daughter picked out was hers and the dog understood that she was the dogs owner and care taker and he had a job to do with her.
service animals are trained and treated differently than a whole family pet. that service animal has a job to do and one specific owner and must mind and perform on commands from the owner not just every family member.
example what happens if my daughter is across the room and she is going into a seizure but its not notice able yet and her dog is being petted and loved on by me, my wife or the other children? the reality is that her dog would be distracted and not doing his job of notifying my daughter that she is about to enter into a seizure and my daughter would get hurt.
my point is if this guy has a mental or physical health problem and is trying to make sure this dog understands who his direct owner is and thats who he is there to be with, then others petting and loving on him is going to sabotage the training and instilling rules and boundaries with this dog...
its not abusive to expect the person that went out and bought a dog doesnt want others to be handling and playing and caring for the animal,
my suggestion is since this obviously isnt going to be a full family pet then its time to move on to getting your own dog. then you can set the rules and such for your dog just like he is setting the rules and boundaries for his dog.
there are many families that I know that have pets and service dogs and each person in the household is responsible for their own respective pets/ service animals.
bottom line this is his dog so he gets to make the rules and such about his dog, just like when you decide to get a pet or service animal you get to decide whats what with it.
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This is along the lines of what I was thinking amandalouise.
The original poster has not come back to her thread so it's difficult to "know" the entire situation and offer advice. It may very well be that her husband simply isn't communicating with her how he wants this dog to be his and he wants to train it a certain way. Or, the op doesn't understand fully and is confused about what her husband really means and he has been trying to explain it to her.
Actually, let's just think about this thread for a minute. The OP has a question and want's to learn how to handle this situation and her thread has taken a life of it's own with different opinions about what she has shared. Well, she may see all of this and just get confused and continue to struggle and possibly react in ways that are not helpful with this challenge. Well, when it comes to what different individuals think about "a family dog", truth is that a dog can develop bad habits and get spoiled because of how it experiences different people. For example, the OP mentioned that she sneaks treats to this dog, well, that can actually be "bad". Her doing that can teach this dog to get distracted and not listen to training because some person that comes along "may" offer it a treat. Also, treats are not always helpful as often with young dogs, they can get nippy.
I have trained horses/ponies to do certain things and I do not like others to do certain things because it can create problems that can make what I do with them difficult. One thing I don't allow is people to feed them carrots or treats. People might think I am being mean, however I do NOT want my ponies or horses distracted nor do I want them to look at children as a source of food where they begin to get nippy. I also don't want my ponies to learn about "people/children equal treat handouts" either as if I am dealing with a lot of people and children and I need the pony to pay attention to what I am doing I don't want that pony or horse suddenly distracted when it sees someone standing and observing me that happens to be snacking or eating at the same time.
If a person really wants to have their own dog/horse where they want the control of training that animal it's really not a bad thing as long as that person is spending time with the animal and training it and taking care of it. There are so many animals that are bought expected to be a "family" pet by people who should NEVER have these animals. All you have to do is talk to people that do rescues and people who adopt dogs that were discarded or abandoned or abused because no one cared to take the time to train it.
This man decided he wanted his OWN dog, it's not a crime, it's not abuse if he wants this dog to serve HIM a certain way and be loyal to him. Also, he did not say to the OP that any dog that they get has to be his either. He did say that if the OP wants she can get her OWN dog. Also, the OP described her husband as very intelligent and yet tends to struggle with a busy mind that can race. He may struggle with OCD and not autism and in that case a dog that is loyal to him and stays by him instead of straying to her or others may be helpful to him and calming and we have learned that people with challenges can greatly benefit with service dogs and therapy dogs.
From what the OP has shared here, she has talked about her husband as being her best friend and he is not abusive. When someone talks about living in a home that is a bit isolated, that doesn't automatically mean "bad/abuse/controlling/toxic" either. When I take on a horse or pony I don't turn it out with others in the same paddock, that is not being abusive. Instead, the pony/horse doesn't have to contend with another pony/horse stealing it's food, picking on it or bullying it which stresses it out. I don't have to work around attachment issues either where when I take a pony out to train it, it's not traumatized or distracted by leaving it's paddock companion. Instead it's easier to help it be independent so I can take it from my farm to do what I do without always having to bring a companion which is more work for me, and I can teach students riding lessons without dealing with the pony or horse bein distracted and stressing from being separated from it's paddock buddy. Instead it is "safer" for the rider as it has learned to do different tasks and focus on what I need so what I do is "safe".
Anyway, it's not a crime for her husband to want his OWN dog that he can train himself that is loyal to him. My concern is more about if he is abusing this dog. And this OP has said that her husband has not abused her and they do get along well. I had my own dog and my husband had his dog. I have my own ponies and my husband had his that he trained and worked with.