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Originally Posted by Open Eyes
I have trained horses/ponies to do certain things and I do not like others to do certain things because it can create problems that can make what I do with them difficult. One thing I don't allow is people to feed them carrots or treats. People might think I am being mean, however I do NOT want my ponies or horses distracted nor do I want them to look at children as a source of food where they begin to get nippy. I also don't want my ponies to learn about "people/children equal treat handouts" either as if I am dealing with a lot of people and children and I need the pony to pay attention to what I am doing I don't want that pony or horse suddenly distracted when it sees someone standing and observing me that happens to be snacking or eating at the same time.
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i am assuming you train these horses to ride? If you do, do you give lessons or training? The difference is horses are big animals and carry humans on their backs. Its imperative that they listen to their trainer. Once a dog has been trained the idea would be for that dog to listen to the commands, not just the person giving them. yes, maybe treats are bad but I see it as her wanting lovable interaction. What if the dog only liked him and was nasty to her? Then she would be afraid of a dog in her own house.
[quote]This man decided he wanted his OWN dog, it's not a crime, it's not abuse if he wants this dog to serve HIM a certain way and be loyal to him. Also, he did not say to the OP that any dog that they get has to be his either. He did say that if the OP wants she can get her OWN dog. Also, the OP described her husband as very intelligent and yet tends to struggle with a busy mind that can race. He may struggle with OCD and not autism and in that case a dog that is loyal to him and stays by him instead of straying to her or others may be helpful to him and calming and we have learn
from the op:
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If I go outside he purposely calls her in to keep her away from me. We have had HUGE blowouts over this. It is singularly the most hurtful thing I have ever gone through living with someone. We are married with no kids, so I'd love to act as a family with our fur babies. I am told I must get my own dog to have this. It comes off as so possessive, controlling and just plain mean.
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"huge blowouts, controlling, possessive and mean" these are things that cause the op pain. Why would he keep doing this. I believe it can be seen as abuse.
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From what the OP has shared here, she has talked about her husband as being her best friend and he is not abusive. When someone talks about living in a home that is a bit isolated, that doesn't automatically mean "bad/abuse/controlling/toxic" either. When I take on a horse or pony I don't turn it out with others in the same paddock, that is not being abusive. Instead, the pony/horse doesn't have to contend with another pony/horse stealing it's food, picking on it or bullying it which stresses it out. I don't have to work around attachment issues either where when I take a pony out to train it, it's not traumatized or distracted by leaving it's paddock companion. Instead it's easier to help it be independent so I can take it from my farm to do what I do without always having to bring a companion which is more work for me, and I can teach students riding lessons without dealing with the pony or horse bein distracted and stressing from being separated from it's paddock buddy. Instead it is "safer" for the rider as it has learned to do different tasks and focus on what I need so what I do is "safe".
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Again, what you do with your ponies is different than this situation. A whole different animal and objective.