T yesterday. Sat down, I commented on weather, as did he. T: "So, hello!" Me: "Hi." Pause. Me: "So I've mostly been doing OK."

I mentioned a party Saturday, how H had been unsure about going, partly due to conflicts among some friends. I said I'd kinda pushed for us to still go, which is unlike me as an introvert. T seemed impressed. I said how the kids seemed to flock to me at the party, which is unusual for me. How this one 5-year-old boy was like, "Will you play a game with me?" T: "Aww." I said it was weird, that I actually felt like I knew how to interact with them, which I normally don't. T said that neurotypical kids (as opposed to kids on autism spectrum, like my D) are much easier to interact with because they kind of lead the play themselves, I just have to follow along. That kids on spectrum, you have to do much more leading. Felt again like him talking from personal experience. I also mentioned how D was actually playing with some of the other kids. Me: "That's an encouraging sign, right?" T: "Definitely."

I said I was trying to figure out what to talk about (had a few ideas). T: "How are you doing dealing with ex-MC?" (I'd expected him to ask about how I was dealing with wife FB postings, so that surprised me.) Me: "OK, I think. Well...I guess he did show up in a dream last night. Though it was kind of a reassuring dream. Oh, and he was in one along with you a week ago--I was going to tell you last Monday, then was kinda nervous, then was going to tell you Thursday but all the other stuff came up, so...not sure if i should tell you now?" T: "It's up to you.:

Me: "OK, so, you and ex-MC were both invited to some party I was going to, I don't know why." T: "Was I an Olympic athlete or a Nobel prize winner?" Me: "Uh, I don't think so?" T: "Aw, OK." Me: "I mean, you weren't wearing a medal around your neck or anything." T: "Maybe I left it at home." Me: "Maybe."

Back to dream. "Ex-MC arrived, and I managed to basically avoid him. You arrived, and I kept thinking you were ignoring me, but I guess it's what you'd do in public? But then you came over and like put your arm around me, as a greeting. Then you touched my shoulder and said, 'Good, you're not cold.' Which I thought was interesting, like you were trying to take care of me. I'm not sure I should share the other part." T said was up to me. Me: "Well, it's kinda funny, so...OK, I was talking to you, and realized you kinda had your shirt pulled up, like to show me your stomach, and I was trying to avoid looking at it." T seemed bemused. I said how a friend had an interpretation of it, but that I didn't want to go into that now. T said was fine.

He asked how much stock I put in dreams, and I said it really depended. Like some seem totally random, others seem to have more meaning. He said he tends to think of it just as the brain processing stuff from the present. I asked why then people from my past appear in dreams, like my college ex. He said maybe he represents something for me. I said in dreams about him it's like he shows up, we have some encounter, he's gone. T asked if that's how he was in my life, I said how he did come back, like dated in college, then tried again in my 20s. But he was addicted to prescription painkillers (T: "ohhh"), hadn't really changed, turned out he'd been living with girl he cheated on me with. Then apparently later he got back with her, as they're married with a kid. I said I suspected we'd be divorced if we married after college, described tumultuous relationship. T said probably good I avoided that one, and I agreed.

Talk turned back to ex-MC. I said I felt like I'd mostly moved past it. Yet, in walking from my car to T's office, I walk past a cafe where ex-MC sometimes sees clients. And I find that I always stare into the cafe. Me: "I'm not sure if I"m hoping to see or hoping not to see ex-MC." T said he thought it was that I didn't want to be surprised by him. I said that made sense. He said how maybe it could be good for me if we had incidental run-in, like just say hi, break the ice. I said maybe, especially if I'd feel OK afterward. But I couldn't really orchestrate that, and T agreed.

Around that time, T looked pointedly at his wrist, where he has a Fitbit. Me: "Are you checking the time?" T: "No, this is really weird, but I just had this sensation in my hand like I had a splinter. It went away but it was strange." Me: "That's odd." T: "I guess you don't have hairy hands." Me: "Uh, no." T: "But maybe I pushed a hair into my skin or something." Me: "Maybe?" Back to our regularly scheduled program.

He said he wondered what would happen if I reached out to ex-MC again. I said I wasn't sure that I would because of how it went this time. He said it would probably depend on the circumstances. I said he was really far down on my list of supports, like I'd probably only reach out to him if a bunch of others fell through.

T said he wondered if ex-MC would continue replying to me. That it put him in a place of potential liability. Because if he's replying to me, that suggests we're still in a therapeutic relationship. If something were to happen, maybe I wouldn't be vindictive, but... Then T went to a morbid place.

Me: "Is it OK if I bring up some friend stuff?" T: "Of course." Discussed how I realized that in friendships, like other relationships, I tend to be a people-pleaser and want everyone to like me. So I might not bring up if something is bothering me. Or I might not want to be critical of someone in that person's life. Like I just try to be supportive and try to give people in their lives, like T's, SOs, etc., the benefit of the doubt. But then I don't feel some people do that back to me. But maybe I'm just being unrealistic in a friendship, like maybe it's just a me thing. T said how it does seem like I try to be supportive of people in general, and that can be a good thing.

I said I just wasn't sure how to navigate friendships, like if I don't necessarily feel like certain things are helpful. Do I just avoid certain topics? Talk to the friend about it? Pull back? He suggested something in the middle, to try to adjust expectations, that if it keeps being an issue, I could talk with them about it, but to be careful in what I say.

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We spoke a few more minutes on the friend topic. I glanced at the clock and saw it had been a full hour. I said I knew we had to stop. T: "Thanks for keeping an eye on the time. Sometimes I just keep talking and don't shut up." Me: "Yep! It's OK, it was helpful."

Confirmed Thursday, scheduled for Monday. T went to his computer. T: "Oh, that's weird!" Me: "What?" T: "I have my screensaver set to nature scenes, but right now it's a staircase." Me: "That is odd." As I was standing up, I noted that my foot had fallen asleep. T: "I guess I put your foot to sleep then!" Me: "Maybe!" Paid. T, shaking my hand: "Good luck in the cold weather." Me: "You too." T: "Take care." Me: "You too."