first off don't soften this as some kind of "emotional affair" that's b.s. there is a plan to have sex as alluded to in here statement of not rushing it and there was no "no" to asking if they would have sex but basically "later". It is entirely an adulterous situation and furthermore seems like if you hadn't broken up it would've escalated into something physical.

bullet. dodged. Or maybe it knicked you a bit but you may have avoided a more severe injury here.

As for the unlocking the phone, its kind of a hard question to answer. I do think that if you are given the rights to unlock the phone, you have every right to look in it, because the partner has allowed it. The question of suspicion is there and I get that there were reasons for wondering. I had a wife of 6 yrs that I had been suspicious of cheating (and I was right) because she did the same thing, would change clothes for supposed "girls' night out" that was assumed to be "casual" ... but her attire was at odds with that. I didn't find out til way later.. but I won't get into that. But had smart phones been around back then I'm sure I would have been tempted to do the same. It really comes down to you being given the right to view her phone as you had the password. Breaking into it if you had to find the password would be pretty much wrong though.