Is it inevitable that couples, and friends, end up fighting about different ways of dealing with life problems.

In my current life, I have a friend who believes that the way to deal with having flu, or injuries, is to "push through them".

I became so sick with asthma through pushing my way through chest infections that my doctor used to yell at me.

My friend comes to see me with flu and coughs all over me despite my asking him not to do so because getting asthma again can lend me in hospital.

We both come from disadvantaged backgrounds, and I remember that my dad never took a day off sick from work in his entire life. I both "get" the need to keep going, and feel resentful that my friend infects me with viruses that scare me because I can land up unable to breathe.

Ways of dealing with illness seem deeply ingrained in both of us - beyond the usual level of care, respect and rationality.

Illness is an issue for me currently but I'm sure that there are other deeply ingrained patterns that people have from their pasts that can drive partners crazy. How do you discuss this? It's not just about illness, but about vulnerability, being reflective or "hitting the town" to escape. Things that draw people to each other can also split them apart!

Saidso