Ther have been times where I have been jealous of Emdr T and tonight it really hit hard. Un the past I have been jealous that she has 2 happily married parents who are still alive, a close knit large family including a sister. Plus she has accomplished so much and has my dream job.

Today we were discussing me hating to be alone. This led to her asking if I have ever been alone. Then she commented that the opportunity probably never arose since I went tmfrom home to college to married life.i kind of felt like a loser even though I knew that was not her intent. She mentioned cultural and family norms. When she lived in south America she stayed by herself for a month. All the people from that city were mortified. But I'm here family independence was pushed. She gave other examples. I have thought a lot about it. Before meeting my husband I never imagined being married or planned to have children. So when there were fears I pushed through because I never wanted to be dependent on anything. Somewhere along the line that all changed, wish I knew where. We also recognized that being alone was not really safe for me.