Hello guys, this is my first post. I apologize if this is a dumb question or if I asked it in the wrong place

Is it normal to feel like you're faking your mental illness? Does anyone else worry if they're faking everything?


I'm 17, and was diagnosed with ADHD and anxiety at age 5/6. I was then later diagnosed with bipolar disorder at age 15 after being depressed since I was 11, then later on having a manic episode. It started out innocent, just a couple days of being happy, having more energy and sleeping a couple hours less than usual. Cleaning, being super productive. I think it was hypomania, because it wasn't intense nor did it last super long. But now, it's gotten worse. I've had 4 manic episodes during my lifetime that I can recall. The last two being the most severe. Now, it tends to last 3/4 weeks and it's just overwhelming euphoria, psychosis and irritability. Sleeping 2 hours maximum. Too much energy. I start thinking I'm a special person even though that doesn't really make sense. My mom and friends thought I was on drugs multiple times because I make no sense and look cracked out tbh. It isn't fun anymore, compared to when it first started happening. Now, I do stupid things and embarrass myself. It scares people around me. But I can't help but think if I'm just some edgy teen who can't control herself. I don't know.


Here's the thing, where I get lost. I'll go months without having a bipolar episode. I've heard stories where bipolar is constant cycling, at least at my age. I feel like either I'm faking it or I'm just not bipolar. Sometimes I definitely think I am, like right after a manic episode, I'll be super aware of it but feel guilty, like I could've controlled myself, but other times I have a hard time believing it. In fact, I've been "bipolar free" for 2 months now. So here I am, wondering if I was faking everything and could've just controlled myself. Why couldn't I have just calmed down? I don't know. I just feel stupid. I ask myself questions like, how could I be bipolar? It just seems so hard to believe. It seems so serious, and my mom isn't bipolar. However, my psychiatrist, psychologist and family seems to think my grandma is bipolar though, which I sort of agree with but idk. Also haven't met my dad, he has substance abuse and alcoholism. My grandma on that side has severe depression. But no bipolar diagnosed from what I know of. So how could I be bipolar, anyways?! Sorry for the rant. I just want to see if it's normal for me to feel this way.


TLDR: I feel like I'm faking bipolar disorder because I can be symptom free for months and I don't feel as severe as other teenagers who have the disease.

I'm really sorry if this made no sense, and for all the extra info, I'm just wondering if anyone could relate or tell me it's normal to feel this way sometimes. Thank you for any replies, anything helps!