I’m much calmer today than I was yesterday. I still left work early but I’m not in quite as much despair as I was. I talked a lot to RS about it and he ended up coming over and sleeping with me last night. It was very comforting to fall asleep in his arms. He promised me we’re going to get through this together. I still don’t trust him fully but I hope in time he will prove himself and keep his promise.

I’m holding out hope that maybe the extra haldol will help with the depression. When I lowered it to 5mg I felt slightly depressed for a few days so maybe raising it again will help. I don’t know.

I’m still worried. But I know I will get through whatever comes. No matter how bad it gets I always make it through. And that’s what I have to hold on to. The tides will change. And then change again. And then change again. Just the nature of the illness.

Thanks for all your kind words and for dealing with my panic. I appreciate it!