I'm sorry I don't think I have much to offer in the way of suggestions with regard to your concern. If you see a therapist, perhaps this would be a good topic for discussion. If you do not see anyone, perhaps that might be something to consider? Having the opportunity to talk this through, at-length & in-depth, with someone may be one way of putting it to rest. I always tend to think that allowing something such as this to simply keep churning in your mind is probably the worst thing one can do. The thoughts just keep rolling around becoming more-&-more confusing & there's no resolution.

Here are links to some articles, from PC's archives, on the subject of intrusive thoughts that may be of interest:

10 Steps to Let Go of Obsessive Thoughts and Rewire a Painful Memory, 1 of 2

10 Steps to Let Go of Obsessive Thoughts and Rewire a Painful Memory, 2 of 2

Toxic Thinking Patterns – How Pseudo "Feel-Goods" Put Your Brain on Hold (1 of 2)

Seven Toxic Thinking Patterns to Break – How Pseudo "Feel-Goods" Trick Your Brain (2 of 2)

How to Regulate Your Body's Fear or Love Response to Make Conscious Changes to Your Brain, Part 3

https://psychcentral.com/blog/some-i...top-obsessing/