F*** my brain is driving me crazy. Or maybe the crazy is driving my brain? Running so fast, tangental or obsessed, or, playing my own personal radio station that I cannot turn off or down. Often I am still fixated on my diagnosis. I analyse every moment of my past for clues and only become more confused. I lie to my family and treatment team when unwell. Mostly to avoid worrying them, but also to avoid being stopped and trapped in hospital. I can believe my delusions and sill be able to pretend I am not having them. Does that make me not psychotic and a liar? Am I faking my entire illness? Am I lying now? Is anything I think real even? I cannot tell the difference.