Cutting my hours.
I would not have
Gone to citizens advice.
I would have took
My chances and said
Ok, I will look
For an alternative job.
But I knew how hard
It was finding work
In my hometown
And the surrounding area.
And when they told
Me it was a grey area,
It felt to me they were
Saying "we feel for your plight"
But I signed the contract .
I came in and signed
The dotted line.
And I was not happy,
But I was thankful
That I was still kept on.
It was actually more
Than most employers
Would have done.
And if I had not
Found out that
Fred was grumbling
To his bosses
Then I would
Not have went
To the Advice Bureau.
It was anonymous
And I did not
Tell everyone that
It was only part-time.
I thought more
Of Fred and trusted
That he would say
I was simply back at work.
He did not need
To say about the hours.
So he told everyone
It was only part-time.
Being back at
Work was better
Than having to
Go to the job centre
For a whopping £45
A week. That was
Soul crushing.
I weighed up
The pro's and con's
From my esoteric knowledge.
And bang goes
My fragile pride again.
My parents would
Have said that
Fred should not
Have emphasised that
It was only part time.
It was better than no
Work and in my situation
I was fortunate that
I was kept on.
And that the boss
Knew I needed time
To recuperate and
That most bosses
When they saw
My absence note
Would have questioned
My fitness to return
And I would have
Been paid off.
They were not
Always wrong - my parents.
I knew nothing about
Disorders before I
Was in hospital rehab.
I still do not know.
I could not watch
A person in hospital
And say they must be...
I just know my
Personal experiences.
I could only help
Someone who has
Been through similar
To myself and I
Was never going
To be able to work
In nursing or social care
Because it was
Too close for comfort.
Eighteen is young
But it is a young adult.
I was not anorexic,
That is not a
Big taboo in my time.
I could talk about
Having an eating disorder
And people would
Say you look fine now
And my pals sister
Was like that etc.
Me, and my phase
Was a whole
Other ball game.
I have never
Spoke aloud about psychosis.