I don’t have children but have nieces and nephews. They will always need their mother because she is their mother. You are making progress. Be proud of yourself for that and keep up the fight. It is common to be drowned by negative thoughts st times. Especially in situations like yours. Do you have any loved ones around that you can confide in? When the thoughts are loud you need support. We are here to support you as best we can. Keep posting if you need it want. Welcome!