Yes, mixed states are pure hell. I’m so sorry you had to endure such a severe episode and the hospitalisation that followed. It can be very traumatic so be gentle on yourself as you recover. I had a severe mixed episode last October. Yelled at my T and pdoc which got me dragged into hospital. I was there four weeks. Meds didn’t bring me down so I had ECT. I calmed down after that but am still a bit off, and very traumatised. Just saying so you know others have been there too. I hope you remain stable and never have to go through that again.