As much as I have crazy ideas about the afterlife, the DMT realm, mixing a bunch of religions together, buddhism, perception on reality with other dimensions and universes and black holes...

I find not having an afterlife to be liberating. Like this is the only life. My life is pretty good. I have down days (Many) but if there is nothing when I die, there wouldn't even be blackness. It would be like being another person that doesn't exist. Yet I'm still conscious.

So still being a pantheist (Something I can't shake off because of psychedelics making me see more than atheist), I can sleep for a while.. then decide to be a God or something.. But it's like I have to make a choice.. atheist or pantheist.. I like to think of myself as an atheist but in life, being a pantheist is fun because I get to think about ideas outside of the possibility and only now has it been integrating with science with the introduction of psychedelics and ideas about consciousness.. Something that the government has tried to stop..

I find comfort in my death and I think that brings down a lot of my anxiety about my heart stopping. But the only thing is that if I die, I will leave my family behind which would make me sad - even if I didn't exist. Because all that would exist is sadness of my past self..

I know I think about death a lot and that's kinda why I'm a little depress..