I can't calm down and feel scared of all these coincidences. It's like a coincidence screams at me in the face "I am targeting you" but I know it's not real. Although my perception is without reassurance. I miss my old psychologist. He understood. My new therapist doesn't get it.

My old psychologist/psych nurse was really really good at dealing with schizophrenia specifically.

I don't know when I'm depressed or not anymore because the smallest thing can change my thinking and it goes down in a complete spiral of thoughts that I can't control. I'm not in control. I feel like it's my responsibility to stay sane.

It's like this specific time, I'm a completely different person that everyone hates. I didn't have this problem before. I feel like I'm in a waking nightmare. Everything I say is tainted with evil. I think I might be a completely evil person that would burn the whole world to the ground given to the chance for my own pleasure. I know that's not true. Maybe I'm just intelligent and see both sides of how one can be good or evil and talking about evil makes me think I am evil when in reality, I'm trying to point it out.

I get my injection on wednesday.