Whenever there is abuse where certain family members do not notice or do not know at all its important to weigh whether telling them will be helpful to you or them and if it will be helpful to you. My mom had to come to terms with some abuse at the hands of my father..and I am unable to talk specifics. i think part of her would like specifics so she can place where she was when it happened but at the same time, I think its rather devastating for her. letting her know that abuse did happen was enough for me. I am not able to nor want to discuss specifics with anyone really, other than in therapy. As a mom I can empathize with how it would feel to hear my children were abused under my nose. If my siblings did not experience what I did with our father (they didnt, second marriage for my Dad) I do not feel it is in their best interest to sour them on a father they have a different memory of. I wouldnt lie if I were asked but I do not think it is beneficial to volunteer. If however the only way to make peace in my heart happen would be to tell people in my family, I would role play scenarios on how to do that in therapy. I would make sure I was as fair and matter of fact i could be. Its a tough call. I have decided that peace for me has been my responsibility and telling certain people will hurt them more than it would help me.