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tonight my dad started well with the good idea of helping me choosing a telephone company for my new home. it was sweet of him since we usually barely talk and when we do he attacks me for whatever.
i said there's time since im still not living in the new house (we're still working on it) and anyway, for the first period of time i'll still come home on weekends to see them and the pets. (thinkng of making them happy not to leave them all od a sudden).
but he started saying that i must understand that i wont be living here with them anymore and that if i come here on the weekends i'll make my mom ill (because she has knees problems and cant walk much - and so doesnt him).
WHY on earth should i make my mom feel worse? he made it all seem that my mom is ill because of me and that i make her feel worse for whatever reason he has in is mind.
and since this is not the first time he says something like this, but actually keeps repeating it all the time, now i feel i do have the proof that they'll be better off without me. i'll help them by killing myself. i hope soon.
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