Hello all;

So I saw a psychiatrist and after a decade of misunderstanding, he told me that my previous diagnosis didn't fit and he had to "re-do" my diagnosis. Fortunately, it wasnt him who made the previous ones hehe..

Anyway, I gotta say it was a shock at first, I didnt quite get it cause I'm a very very socially comfortable.. Or I thought I was. He had told me that it could manifest in other ways than social phobia, but life went on and I started remembering how I used to feel and realizing all the things I feel I can't do and receiving that diagnosis is quite the relief! But now what, I started reading a book about it written by Alice Miller, dunno what the english title is tho. I'm a really slow reader but its very helpful so far!

I just felt like I could write about it..
There is also a panic disorder that is more... "Active" if I'm not on medication.

So here's the thing.. I just can't work.. Like, I love working, like .. I could work anytime but the thought of the social pressure is kinda paralizing me.. When I was sixteen everything was made worst cause I was being pushed to geta job and when I'd try to I'd have panic attacks and then I'd be accused of being lazy and just didn't want to work. Woah, its kind of relieving to "say" it out loud after so long..

I'm very conscious of what happens and always been very proactive about it. I used to be unable to get out of my room and now I'm very good compared to before, so much work done and I gotta admit I'm so tired. I've been doing that for years and now.. Still can't have a simple job.

I'm going back to school in a week, I feel good about it, it's very good that I've gone so far Considering I quit cause of the way I felt 8 years ago.

Anyway, I've never been on finantial support either, I had a job for three years and it ended so badly, I hurt myself cause I'd so stressed and tired.. Since then I've been doing photography jobs, which is so much work but feels so much easier.. It's ridiculous how short I am on money.. Not my main concern however.

Thanks for reading so far! Feel free to share your thoughts if you wish 🙌