I'm so sorry you're hurting, sinking Please know that there's nothing wrong with you or what you're doing. It's clear that it's your dad that has a problem with it. It's not worth it to hurt yourself because of him. Feel free to visit your mother anytime you want - it is your right, and if you're still afraid to cause any trouble, just tell your mother she doesn't need to move around much when you come over. Please don't be so hard on yourself. You're a wonderful person, I'm sure of that, don't let abusive people in your life dictate what you should or shouldn't do. I'm glad you're moving out of that environment, I hope that will help. Keep writing here if it helps. Feel free to PM me anytime. And please, remember that it's NOT your fault. You're a wonderful person, sinking. Sending many hugs to you