Quote:
Originally Posted by ArtleyWilkins
Honestly, I don't think this is about his responses to you. You repeatedly say you don't trust people to be real with you. You even laugh at your friend when she says she cares. No matter what your therapist did or how he responded, your default was always going to be that he didn't care because that is your armor.
He can't fix this for you because until you choose to trust other people, this will always be your response. He could have fallen on his knees crying and professing his love to you, and I truly believe you would have still faulted him in some way as not being real (and it would have been out of his personal character probably so it actually would have been fake).
At this point, you have to decide that the sky is actually blue but you are determined, no matter what anyone says to you, to argue that it it green. Until you see and trust the reality, no one can help you with that but yourself.
|
I get that and I know it's an issue for me.... but I am unsure it's fixable. As I said, I WAS able to get to the point of believing it with him... I never questioned it until things ended. I'd even say like "I know you care..." or I'd thank him for making me feel like I mattered.
The huge reason for my friend (I think) why it was so different, after 7 years I can't get to that point at all with her, is, she flakes out on me constantly. We don't live in the same state and only see each other 1 or 2x a year, so we talk via text. There are times, she literally wont say a word to me for 3 weeks. Sometimes I will text her that I'm having a crap day, hoping to get her to text and make me laugh or something and she ignores it. It's been very hard... plus with her, she did once tell something to "friends" of hers that I told her in secret and it really upset me because she said they all had a good laugh about it. So while I trust she cares in some ways... like she's good at handling my anxiety because she's rational and can talk me down from things, and she still makes the effort to visit me every year... I don't think she loves me or cares much beyond that. Like if we stopped being friends, I don't think it would phase her, she's the type to just go on and not be bothered by things like that. Plus with T, I had interactions every week, it would be pretty bad if I didn't believe there was care in that case
I'm only questioning it now because I'm reflecting... and only seeing the bad. I see him walking away, I see his robotic text and "professional" letter, I see the unphased emotion and reaction he had in the end and it all just makes me think... ok then... maybe he didn't... other than when he had to? That's where I'm stuck
And FYI had he got on his knees and done that, I would have laughed because it would be seriously absured. I just wanted some emotion, something that showed he was sad and struggling to, a way to feel like it DID still matter to him.