Your experience sounds similar to me and my first therapist. I REALLY REALLY suggest this book

Trauma and the Avoidant Client: Attachment-Based Strategies for Healing

Author has some youtube videos. And a newer book I haven't read yet.

It's specifically written about clients who have an avoidant attachment style, and I think you'll find some similarities between yourself and some of the client stories in the book. This book has helped me understand myself more than any other of the like 75 therapy books I have read trying to understand why i'm so...me.