Yes, my thoughts are inconsistent which is what is so incredibly maddening. If I want to put a label on it, I guess it would be fearful avoidant attachment. I really want the feeling of closeness, but I also feel a big distrust of it and want to get the hell away. It makes no sense, but it’s the way I feel. I have made a pact with myself to show up, no matter what, so I will very likely go despite the strong pull to back off. I can’t wait for this nonsensical process to stop.