You're not "weak", sinking. There's nothing to be ashamed of in asking for help. Everyone needs help at some point in their lives. And you've been so strong so far, always handling everything by yourself, I think it's time to let others help you. It's your own safety we're talking about it. If you don't want to go to the hospital, is there an hotline you can call? Or maybe you could try to contact your therapist. Maybe that could help. Please stay safe and take care of yourself. Sending many hugs to you