How do you know you are real?

How do you feel as if you are everything inside of you?
When it all feels foreign? Contradictions made continuously and quite frustratingly disrupting everything, inside and out?

How would you know if you are possessed?

How could it be possible to be so many things simultaneously?


How does one find peace? Become sufficient enough for self preservation?

Sickened by the happy parts taking joy in little things, to be happy in a moment, and to be disgusted by it later as happiness is fleeting.
Where is my tangible happiness, my security, my future?

I am disturbed by the lack of assurance, assurance that i am not going to explode into trillions of particles, that i wont simply cease to exist, that none of this matters and my feelings/desires will never be manifest as i cant even unite a core being inside of this sorry body

I make myself physically ill