Thanks sunny. My T doesn't do any of those things. She's an analyst.

I have journalled many times, used some fantasy and I feel like I have closure, then it comes back and hits me again.

I had a dream before this happened. Before this break, I was feeling ready to have less contatct with her. I suggested writing less often and things seemed to snowball quickly--too quickly for me-- from there. In this dream, I am in a doorway (all my dreams seem to have doorways) and watching a person from behind, walking away from the doorway, carrying a piece of heavy baggage in each hand. The baggage is liquid and the 'luggage' is very big so it's very heavy. I realize this is me, the baggage is my "baggage" and the liquid is my tears. I walk from the doorway to the sidewalk that parallels the street. It's a sunny warm day and trees are casting soft shadows. I look right and left, not knowing which direction I'm going But it doesn't matter, I am happy to be going either direction. .. I think this is about my feeling ready to leave the person I correspond with. I have baggage because although she's helped me a lot, I have much more work to do.

Later I had the exact same dream. But this time it was the person I correspond with leaving. Leaving with the liquid luggage (we talked in our corresondence about how she accepted my tears that were'n't accpeted when I was growing up). She carries the luggage easily. (it represents her caring and compassion that is a part of her, that she offers to others and not just me). I am watching from behind again in this dream. I am heart-broken. I run to her and put my little girl arms around her waist to sotp her, telling her it's ME you are leaving!! It's ME! Frantic.

I wasn't so ready to leave her after all.